Wednesday, 10 April 2013

War with Vulgaria!

The Daily Snooze         10 April 1912
 Naval flotilla dispatched to Vulgaria!
"Send a gunboat" urges Empress
 
It can now be reported that a state of war exists between Vulgaria and the Empire of Anglophobia.  Tension has been steadily rising since Anglophobia's Ambassador to Vulgaria, Sir Austin Morris received a communique from the Vulgarian Foreign Ministry commenting on the recent unsuccessful Anglophobian expedition (caused by a slight navigational error) to Forbodia. 
The note read simply "Ha ha."

A considered response was then sent by HM Government and delivered by Sir Morris.  Our source at the Foreign and Colonial Office has suggested that the response included the wording "Who are you laughing at you bunch of pointy-helmeted jessies?"

The latest Vulgarian message includes an expression which has no direct equivalent in Anglophone.  Roughly translated, however, it reads "Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough."
Ships of the Anglophobian fleet pictured en route to Vulgaria
More news will be reported as it breaks.

17 comments:

Chasseur said...

Looking good Mr. Gow! I am looking forward to seeing how the Jessies will fare under the fire of some strong heavy lead ... Jeff

Conrad Kinch said...

Hurrah! Hurrah!

David Crook said...

Reports of extensive defence works being excavated in Hushabye Mountain that have been described as Truly Scrumptious have yet to be confirmed. materials used include some old bamboo....

All the best,

C.Potts

Stephen Thomas said...

I found this little gem in the foreign press office:

“Support for Vulgaria”

Today the holy leader of Ragheadistan, Prince Fizal Akmed Chrrrrurrghblah the Third, declared his support for Vulgaria in a flamboyant outburst, characteristic of this fiery eastern leader.

He said “ Once more the imperialistic dogs are let off their leash to murder innocent women and children. The world must not stand by and let the Anglophobian hordes run like savage beasts throughout the sacred lands of the innocents. The all seeing one will strike down these wild devils with their “Top hole” and their “Jolly good sport sir”. They send their mighty ships and think they may do as they please. Well !!! I am sending 20 ships of the desert to help my Vulgarian brothers. Yes 20 of my best camels to help turn the tide of aggression against the western devil dogs.

Our correspondent says : “Watch out admiral , the sea may get a little humpy”

Tim Gow said...

Chasseur
Or at the very least a withering hail of matchsticks!

Tim Gow said...

Conrad Kinch
War fever!

Tim Gow said...

David Crook
I'm not convinced you're taking this very seriously!

Tim Gow said...

Stephen Thomas
Ragheadistan will soon be coloured pink on the map. If the Anglophobians can find it....

Don M said...

Perhaps Anglophobians were merely looking for some Vulgarian Vodka, and this is all a terrible misunderstanding?

Tim Gow said...

Don M
As every schoolboy knows, the place for good vodka is Tratvia. The Vulgarians make do instead with some rather indifferent wines and gassy beer.

Martin Rapier said...

Indifferent wine and gassy beer go very well with our world renowned sausage and pickled cabbage.



Stephen Beat said...

The Kingdom of Molatero reiterates it's state of neutrality (...Ostensively because it's 'army' is a single border guard at the moment! Er, perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned that!)

Two dozen fine Molatero roses go to each of the belligerents - the famous 'Roses of Success'!

Stephen Thomas said...

Svenhasselstein has a couple of divisions footloose and fancy free at the present time. If we can find Molatero on the map, that boarder guard could well be in for a spot of bother. ( evil laugh !!! )

Don M said...

gassy beer, beans and sausage, sounds like my last trip to New Orleans.



By the by, I thought
Vulgaria was land locked,
so just where are those
gun boats heading? ;-)

Tim Gow said...

Stephen Beat
If anyone had even the slightest idea where to find Molatero you might be in trouble! If Molatero does get invaded it's probably by accident....

Tim Gow said...

Don M
It must be hell in there!
According to the school atlas found in a drawer in the Anglophobian Armiralty Vulgaria does indeed have a coastline. All we need to do now is find it....

Archduke Piccolo said...

The Xenophobian Foreign Minister, Xavier Xylocephalos Ximinez has announced his nation's total support for the belligerents and has pledged a neutrality friendly to both sides, its entrepots and mercantile marine open to free trade with both. So long as they have goods and/or money.

Monsignior Ximinez urges both sides to respect the neutrality of the Xenophobian flag (sable, in chief a death's head argent, in base bones argent crossed in saltire).