Wednesday, 10 April 2013

War with Vulgaria!

The Daily Snooze         10 April 1912
 Naval flotilla dispatched to Vulgaria!
"Send a gunboat" urges Empress
 
It can now be reported that a state of war exists between Vulgaria and the Empire of Anglophobia.  Tension has been steadily rising since Anglophobia's Ambassador to Vulgaria, Sir Austin Morris received a communique from the Vulgarian Foreign Ministry commenting on the recent unsuccessful Anglophobian expedition (caused by a slight navigational error) to Forbodia. 
The note read simply "Ha ha."

A considered response was then sent by HM Government and delivered by Sir Morris.  Our source at the Foreign and Colonial Office has suggested that the response included the wording "Who are you laughing at you bunch of pointy-helmeted jessies?"

The latest Vulgarian message includes an expression which has no direct equivalent in Anglophone.  Roughly translated, however, it reads "Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough."
Ships of the Anglophobian fleet pictured en route to Vulgaria
More news will be reported as it breaks.
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17 comments:

  1. Unknown10 April 2013 at 14:43

    Looking good Mr. Gow! I am looking forward to seeing how the Jessies will fare under the fire of some strong heavy lead ... Jeff

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  2. Conrad Kinch10 April 2013 at 15:06

    Hurrah! Hurrah!

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  3. David Crook10 April 2013 at 15:48

    Reports of extensive defence works being excavated in Hushabye Mountain that have been described as Truly Scrumptious have yet to be confirmed. materials used include some old bamboo....

    All the best,

    C.Potts

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  4. Stephen Thomas10 April 2013 at 16:28

    I found this little gem in the foreign press office:

    “Support for Vulgaria”

    Today the holy leader of Ragheadistan, Prince Fizal Akmed Chrrrrurrghblah the Third, declared his support for Vulgaria in a flamboyant outburst, characteristic of this fiery eastern leader.

    He said “ Once more the imperialistic dogs are let off their leash to murder innocent women and children. The world must not stand by and let the Anglophobian hordes run like savage beasts throughout the sacred lands of the innocents. The all seeing one will strike down these wild devils with their “Top hole” and their “Jolly good sport sir”. They send their mighty ships and think they may do as they please. Well !!! I am sending 20 ships of the desert to help my Vulgarian brothers. Yes 20 of my best camels to help turn the tide of aggression against the western devil dogs.

    Our correspondent says : “Watch out admiral , the sea may get a little humpy”

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  5. Tim Gow10 April 2013 at 17:35

    Chasseur
    Or at the very least a withering hail of matchsticks!

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  6. Tim Gow10 April 2013 at 17:36

    Conrad Kinch
    War fever!

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  7. Tim Gow10 April 2013 at 17:36

    David Crook
    I'm not convinced you're taking this very seriously!

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  8. Tim Gow10 April 2013 at 17:38

    Stephen Thomas
    Ragheadistan will soon be coloured pink on the map. If the Anglophobians can find it....

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  9. Don M11 April 2013 at 01:08

    Perhaps Anglophobians were merely looking for some Vulgarian Vodka, and this is all a terrible misunderstanding?

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  10. Tim Gow11 April 2013 at 07:54

    Don M
    As every schoolboy knows, the place for good vodka is Tratvia. The Vulgarians make do instead with some rather indifferent wines and gassy beer.

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  11. Martin Rapier11 April 2013 at 09:11

    Indifferent wine and gassy beer go very well with our world renowned sausage and pickled cabbage.



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  12. Milgeek11 April 2013 at 09:31

    The Kingdom of Molatero reiterates it's state of neutrality (...Ostensively because it's 'army' is a single border guard at the moment! Er, perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned that!)

    Two dozen fine Molatero roses go to each of the belligerents - the famous 'Roses of Success'!

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  13. Stephen Thomas11 April 2013 at 14:34

    Svenhasselstein has a couple of divisions footloose and fancy free at the present time. If we can find Molatero on the map, that boarder guard could well be in for a spot of bother. ( evil laugh !!! )

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  14. Don M12 April 2013 at 03:54

    gassy beer, beans and sausage, sounds like my last trip to New Orleans.



    By the by, I thought
    Vulgaria was land locked,
    so just where are those
    gun boats heading? ;-)

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  15. Tim Gow12 April 2013 at 10:02

    Stephen Beat
    If anyone had even the slightest idea where to find Molatero you might be in trouble! If Molatero does get invaded it's probably by accident....

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  16. Tim Gow12 April 2013 at 10:05

    Don M
    It must be hell in there!
    According to the school atlas found in a drawer in the Anglophobian Armiralty Vulgaria does indeed have a coastline. All we need to do now is find it....

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  17. Archduke Piccolo13 April 2013 at 10:39

    The Xenophobian Foreign Minister, Xavier Xylocephalos Ximinez has announced his nation's total support for the belligerents and has pledged a neutrality friendly to both sides, its entrepots and mercantile marine open to free trade with both. So long as they have goods and/or money.

    Monsignior Ximinez urges both sides to respect the neutrality of the Xenophobian flag (sable, in chief a death's head argent, in base bones argent crossed in saltire).

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